Very nicely done. Very compact.

The idea/legend of the Changeling (a child being replaced by a fairy child) is very old and primal, but for some reason I’ve found that kids today aren’t as aware of it, as the kids I grew up with. Maybe despite the fantasy element, it’s something which speaks more to a parents fears than a childs.

Two things I really liked about it: The darkness the shadow couldn’t touch and the abruptness of the ending. They just really added to the tone.

Wow, Raymond succinctly said what I was thinking. So ditto on Raymond ’s comment.

Yep. Snap on Raymond as well. This is amazing!

This is so awesome. Ahhh, I can see it as the beginning of an epic movie or fantasy book…

Nice. I liked that it wasn’t just Brian that awakened but every cell in his body too. Like Raymond I also really liked that the torchlight couldn’t touch the darkness around Brian’s twin. I also like the idea of a hardware drawer! I live in a house where the men have so many tools the garage is full and we have two extra sheds for overflow :)

Thanks for entering :)

Awesome! Before reading the comments on the allusion to the legend of Changelings, I sort of had a different interpretation (I guess I’m one of those kids who didn’t grow up with it, Raymond!)…

While I was reading, I just thought how brilliant it was that the boy himself (a version of himself) was actually the monster. I think we all have a split personality, two selves, fighting with the monster inside us…. which is why I think I love this so much.

The only criticism I can offer (I try to provide some useful feedback) is to provide more description to show that he’s afraid, rather than telling us “Brian was afraid”.

Anyways, this is excellent!!

A lot better than my own entry. Makes me jealous. Good job lots of description with minimal dialogue to make an intense story.

I’mona agree with thelostgirl, I really liked the line “awakened every cell in his body.” It gave me that electric jump up my spine I think you were trying to describe.

Also, the comments here make me feel cool for being a kid who IS familiar with the changeling myths. That said, if I recall correctly, the replacement is usually an unnervingly quiet and polite child. Furthermore, the fae usually take them as babies, and not older children (but I’m less sure on this point), so what does that make of our dirty doppelganger?
Yeah.
You think about that.

Additional: kudos for using “and then there was one.” I like that line. It insinuates.

Oops. Forgot to rate it.

Very nice!

Might want to add a word in the fourth-to-last line.

a more evil, (or could be) prince and pauper situation was what I thought of.. I missed the whole changeling revolution, but i think instead of fairies at that age, i was into unicorns…

Going to have to agree with Jason Month on this one: “And then there was one”…WIN.

Oh my. Reminds me of a choose-your own adventure book. One of the deaths was to be trapped in a mirror, and having your doppelgangers live your life.
BTW, I agree with John Month and Abstract Rorschach. Show, don’t tell.

This was nominated for the ficly book.