This moves really well between quite methodical and mercenary at the beginning, through to solemn and regretful by the end – via a subtly executed plot twist if ever I saw one!

My only word choice quibble is ‘telegraphs’ – I don’t know whether you’re using it in quite the right context – ‘communicates’ or ‘radiates’ could fit well… Just a thought.

Very sequellable, simply because you’ve set up a very strong character – so congrats on that! MH :)

“Telegraphs” – to telegraph fear is to have it written loud and clear in no uncertain terms.

“The body language of her panic telegraphs her fear” conveys that her muscles are taut, her expression is one of horror and panic, as she is fearing the worst. All this is exaggerated through the surreality of the scope view, where the scene is played out in pantomime.

That said, it is a word not often used in modern context, seen more often in the books and fiction of pre-1960, where much of my vocabulary and style originates.

I’m old and “telegraph” is an “old” word.

I get what you are saying though. Good point-good catch.

Thanks for the explanation.

In fact, thank you very much – I think that too often writer’s can get defensive and clam up when defending their work – you’ve dealt with my concern and taught me something new, which I have no issue with at all…

Good work :)

Not sure if I can add anything to that, but I do agree that “telegraphs” was the right word, because I got his meaning without any thought on my part.

I also found myself painting in my own, remarkably detailed, background to the story without any description or prompting on his part. Now without any explicit direction from the write, what I see will be different from what others see, but writing a story that lets the reader fill that vacuum so text can be saved for the important bits is one of the main reasons why short stories work so well. So yeah…

Good job!
(Yeah. That wrapped up smooothly.)

Has some interesting story turns. I was engaged the whole time.
You seem to say a great deal with a few words. Appropriate for a no nonsense cop drama.