This has a poetic quality. For me, I like echos or reacurrences of words and sounds wherever I can find them, and I found a few here that are subtle. For example— ‘form’ and ‘from’. Both lines end in L. There is a recurring presence of r sounds. I know that has nothing to do with the story, but it just adds to the readability and texture of what you’re telling us, and that’s the sort of weird stuff I notice and like.
Tad Winslow