Interesting. You have created characters that embody a lot of life’s contradictions that make me want to know more. That being said, Sarah’s description ends on a double brown note which throws me off balance a little when I’m reading. I’m not sure if the hair and eyes should be compared or contrasted but I think that they should be more interconnected. Other than that, I think this is well written and a good opening for whatever you have planned next (or whoever picks it up). Cheers!

I like parts of this a lot – the body language in the relationship between James and Sarah, the closing line which gave me such a strong image of Sarah as this proud, protective matriarch…

I’m not sure whether the fourth paragraph did it for me – the description about placing stilettos on her feet seemed a little awkward, and the physical description was well-written but not as intriguing or suggestive of character as the rest of the piece…

My only typo spot was ‘bellow’ in the third paragraph, which should be ‘below’.

Good work, I’ll keep an eye out to see if this goes anywhere – or write a sequel myself! MH :)

This was really cute. I liked the relationship, and the use of stilettos.

My own little problem is that, why is she wearing black stilettos with a green dress?! D: HAS SHE NO SHAME. Unless of course that green dress had some black.

Anyway, lovely. :D