If this is a set up, it’s okay. You’re missing some apostrophes and it’s really clumped together, so you might want to separate it.

It also took you a bit to get to the actual point with a lot of descriptions, which, at times, got rather boring. Simple descriptions are sometimes better because you might go too deep with what’s she’s wearing and not focus on the actual story.

Good potential—I’ll sure be reading— but it could use some polishing.

Hey, welcome back to Ficly! Like Mr. Gabriel said, I think this could be a great introduction to a story. You could use some paragraph separation, too, like after “Cameron” and “darling”. Otherwise, make it one paragraph with only spaces inbetween, or separate as you see fit.

I hope you’ll continue this, I think it’s very intriguing!

Thanks to both of you!