nice beginning! it feels like you need a sequel..
missing the word “time” in spending time with my dad… and you have an extra “a” in it was a raining that Friday. :)

Thank you. It’s all fixed.:)

An intriguing start, but it winds up a bit hard to read. I’m stuck between it being a matter of repetitive sentence structure or lack of paragraphs and spacing. A lot of neat ideas and intriguing themes.

okay so, the first sentence is entirely a repeat of the second one, which is a better sentence, so I’d cut out the entire first. Then add, ‘in deer hunting’ to it. next, I’d cut ‘ever since i was 8 years old’.. and after that, “my dad and I would spend hours and hours..” and throw in a nice description. and lastly, each part, new idea, should have it’s own new paragraph. how’s that for editing help?

lol. Thanks Elsha. ….Thanks thx…Obviously I need a lot of work!:).

I’ve got the paragraphs seperated while editing, but when I publish the story;it’s all together. Anybody know how to fix it?

enter twice..

Hmm. Kind of an odd situation, but the word list does have oddities.
It would be easier to read if it were broken up a bit. The concepts and images in the second paragragh don’t flow very well.