I unload my cart in checkout lane 27 at the Megalo-Mart. It’s 4:00 in the morning and I’m dressed in a skin-tight cocktail dress, red, sequined, complete with heels.
candle sticks
BEEP
candle holders
BEEP
red wine
BEEP I pick up a magazine and casually peruse it while my items slide by.
lobster
oysters
stock pot
BEEP BEEP BEEP
zucchini
paprika
strawberries
chocolate
olive oil
peanut butter
whipped cream
BEEP I’m getting a look from the cashier.
fruit roll ups
marichino cherries
turkey baster
box flower petals
bath fizzies
box tissues
vaseline
BEEP I put the magazine back on the shelf.
lip gloss
lingerie
panyhose
feather duster
dog chew toy
BEEP The beeps have slowed down and the cashiers face is bright red.
lighter
rubber bands
jumper cables
extension cord
nautical rope
BEEP The cashier’s face is now pale.
40 watt bulbs
bouquet
hair gel
BEEP CLICK CLICK “Your total is $246.79.”

“Man those are expensive light bulbs!” I slide my credit card through the slot.
“Thank you, Sir. Have a nice day!”