(TFB-04-10 points) This is a little confusing. I was brought here by the ‘Random Story’ button and dumped into the middle of a story where little is explained. I hesitate to offer constructive criticism as I haven’t read the rest but I can offer some basic. Feel free to ignore me. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, I’d switch the ‘to boot’ to the back of the sentence. The rest of that paragraph is pretty good. The dialogue was a little confusing but I see that it is the people outside. The last two sentences of the second to last paragraph are still confusing to me as is the last sentence of the piece. I don’t know who is speaking. Is it still the guards or is it Vanco speaking to himself? I know the 1024 limit is difficult and I think that this story chain is intriguing, this story doesn’t quite stand on it’s own merit. I look forward to seeing what else you come up with though. The ideas are fantastic! Cheers! (No rating)
Robert Quick