I like this – I think the first paragraph is a little bogged down by adjectives – describing the television, words and mouth all in one sentence was a bit crowded…

But from the second one in it’s a really interesting take on the idea of fame, and the effect it has on people – nice set-up for sequels towards the end as well…

Interesting premise, handled well – MH :)

Heey!
Thanks, yeah your right about the first paragraph, i had written more paragraphs than this, but totally forgot about the character limit! :O

well, you can’t have bitten and long nails.. biting them makes them short.. they can be chipped or jagged.. also there was too much description in the light turning on scene, you used the same sentence structure twice. I think other than that, it was good. :) though I am wondering what the red circle had to do with a good days work…

Surely you’ve seen Ghostbusters, Elsha?

haha!

I agree with comments above. Just reading your stuff I can tell you might be one to benefit from reading your stuff back aloud, or re-reading after a 48 hour break. Both tactics are a great way to kill stilted language, open up the vocabulary, and bring out the central concept to someone who is not inside your head. All that said, good concept and nice imagery.

Wow, I commented on a really old post. Well, I guess I must have fallen down a rabbit hole…

Wow, I commented on a really old post. Well, I guess I must have fallen down a rabbit hole…