This is quite confused, and jumbled, but in a way I think it works well to support the overarching theme of ‘what is / isn’t a sin?’

The points you make about killing are particularly interesting – certainly the fact that you define murder as human nature and love as greedy… Interesting indeed.

Could do with some paragraphing, and make sure you have apostrophes where you need them (wasn’t instead of wasnt) – but overall a thought-provoking piece.

MH :)

Ok thankyou, its great to hear any advice. I’m fairly new to creative writing and absolulty love it! Your comment is very helpful, i’m excited about being on this website because its a good learning curb to hear actual advice, rather than only being by own critic.

Overall this is a good piece, and when I first read this I agreed with Mostly Harmless’ comment about it being confused and jumbled, but somehow worked. IMHO, I think some of the emotions need to be explored more, and felt that some of the subject was cut short to make it fit into a tiny “ficly” container.

Oh, and by the way, Welcome to ficly!!

get a pic :)

While I agree it was fairly jumbled, I believe it worked well towards the overall feel of the character. This piece is first person, and as MH detailed, the character has a fairly jumbled opinion with murder being classed as ‘human nature’ but love being a sin, and I think that with first person stories, capturing the narrator in the words is a must.

Bravo and welcome to ficly!