At first I was staying up all night, no good reason why. No reason to waste the dark hours of rest. No reason to shuffle them away like that.

Then the sleep came easy. I was sleeping a lot. I was getting inside my dreams to a new reality. I wanted to be there and being awake made me feel lost.

In the dreams, there was a place where the war kept going. I was somewhere in the confines of a tracked vehicle, rolling across desert sands, roasting in a blazing sun, and living a life that still had a purpose. Adventure was back. Challenge was back. Excitement was back. My world was the way I remembered it, for better or worse.

It was also a place filled with fears, doubts, and humiliations. Biting your tongue, swallowing your pride, abandoning your dignity, with your mouth in your pocket and your hands pinned behind your back by UCMJ.

A world of violent people doing violent acts and dying violent deaths. Dirty, bloody, and undignified was the way the living became the dead in my dreams. Just like life.