This is based on a pen and paper RPG I designed…lets say a while ago….

This certainly has a lot of potential. There’s a few places I stumbled with the word choices, but I get the point. It might be interesting to keep it going. I’m sort of curious as to what is really going on here.

It’s almost unnoticeable, and it might have been intentional…the verb tense changed from the first paragraph compared to the rest of the story.

Overall, this is an interesting start…