Of course by then I had showered, brushed thoroughly, and even disposed of the toothpick. The police searched my house, and I assured them that I hadn’t seen her for a while either.

I couldn’t, however, remember when I had seen her last. I offered to let them know if anything came to me, and promised not to leave the country, even though I couldn’t imagine why I would do so.

When they left I realized that my stomach was growling. Like an angry lioness, tackling and tearing apart a gazelle. I was that gazelle, and barely made it to the bathroom.

What resulted troubled me deeply. Half an hour later I was still wondering what I would do – what would my parents say? It was certainly a good thing that the police had left earlier, as having to explain this would have been thoroughly embarrassing.

I put in my best effort to hide the evidence, but I didn’t even have a mop. Exhausted, I finally gave in and picked up the phone.

“Joe’s plumbing? Yes. Yes. My toilet overflowed. Yes, as soon as you can. Great!”