Aw, I loved this.

I’d change the word “progenitor” to “mother” since that smacks a little of flaunting one’s vocabulary, but other than that, I liked it.

Appropriate for the day, too!

I really like it! The description of the battle at the beginning seems to have a lot of “blank and blank” phrases, which seems to break up the action. That’s the only real criticism I can think of.

I had “mother” first but changed it because I liked the alliteration. Is it really too pretentious? Meh.

CD, let me see what I can tweak there. Thanks.

5S, very well themed with the day, and much closer to the reality of such holidays than what the commercialized populace is used to.

I’d go with mother as well – the alliteration didn’t catch my eye.

Mother it is, then. Thanks.

I like the rhythm of that opening, and the stark (but pleasant) contrast of the ending. Maybe it’s because I’ve got a few veterans in the family, but I really liked this one!

I dig it.

Question/thought. How would you feel about breaking the opening up into even shorter bursts. The paragraph as machine gun fire. Explosions. Death. Words as warfare.

Not saying change it. Just want your thoughts.

Ed, I did worry about this degrading into something maudlin but I guess sometimes that’s okay. I’ve got vets in my family, too; my grandfather’s brothers all died in WWII so they did a Saving Private Ryan and sent him home, and my dad’s cousin went schizo after Vietnam.

Thel, this actually started as a poem and I was going to attempt what you are suggesting but thought it would be too much. Let me mess with it and see how I like it. Danke.

You know it’s funny, fireworks and ordinance both put on spectacular displays at night. I’ve seen them first hand and I have to say I can’t watch either one without thinking of the other. The good thing about fireworks displays is that they rarely result in mass fatalities.

This was so dramatic and so sweet .Enjoyable. L.S.

I agree with everyone above. This si stunning and painful and sweet and beautiful and everything you could want from a story.

oh, this is so awesome! I’m glad its featured! Patriotic indeed. :)

Thanks so much, everyone, I’m really glad you enjoyed it. DH, I hope I was able to communicate your experience effectively. The rockets’ red glare indeed.

Comments agreed with. Only, the end seemed a tad rushed (the walking over to the hamburgers part).

opening paragraph is really great. Hard to believe you can paint such a vivid scene so quickly

Very nice dichotomy setup between his flashback & his current reality.

Also made me think that maybe we should stop using fireworks to honor our vets.