The last sentence clarified the whole story very neatly. This is a fine piece of descriptional writing— vividly visual.

This is so blunt and cold that it is emotional. It controls you when reading – powerful stuff.
I would capitalise the s in spitfire and delete the comma in fourth to last line but that’s just opinion. Nicely done.
Abby
x

Thanks Abby andTad. Done.

Abby’s right, it’s so cold and calculated that the sudden ending is emotional. You gasp in shock at the tragedy. :) Nicely done!

Spelling errors can detract and distract from the best of stories.

“lightning” does not have an “e” in the middle. “LightEning” is to make something less dark or “lighter.”

This may seem like a quibble, but it is so very important to spell check anything you publish or submit.

Choice of words or application of words are important as well.

. . . causing the plane to “career wildly” is a typo, obviously, but a published typo just the same. These and other errors take away from what is otherwise an imaginative narrative.

“OUCH.”

Sorry Marli, I have to agree with Bob. The typos were a bit distracting. Also, the seventh sentence is a run-on. I’d recommend a semi-colon after “lights out,” and before “curfew.”

The story itself almost has a checklist feel. I’m not sure if that’s intentional or not. I can see how it would fit in context, giving his final moments a systematic countdown. This makes sense given the profession, bit for some reason I think it was un-intentional. Towards the end it falls apart, then picks back up again. It may just be the hard returns after virtually every sentence.

I like the idea of the story, but I’m less enamored with its presentation. If the checklist style was elaborated upon, I think I’d get behind it much more as it would be incredibly creative, and add a level of complexity to how the protagonist lives his life.