This could be good. But it needs some punctuation and more clarity.

Needs a lot of punctuation. I like that her thoughts progress, but not that much. The ending is a little odd and I’m assuming that she didn’t get to where ever she should have been on time.

Overall, good, but should be broken up a little more and needs clarity.

Okay thank you, I will work it, but hopefully you’ve read the first part, it should clear up what is confusing.