I don’t think you need the “And then,” It stunts the flow a little.

This is really beautiful though. Although I hope there wasn’t actually a contract… little paranoid.
I love “And when the sunbeams hit his eyes, he wept.”

How’s that? And no, there wasn’t an actual contract, just a little joke.

This is so sad, but lovely. Nice work.

‘He woke up’ is a lot more hard-hitting and sudden.

beautifully sad…

Thanks, guys

I certainly didn’t expect that she was gone. I like the jarring of when he woke up, like we all are being woken up to the fact of her being gone. And yes, the line about the sunbeams and him weeping is amazing.

Awwww… that was so romantic and sad at the same time. You drew me in, and unexpectedly it was over. It caught me off guard, Great job.

Thank you!

whoa.. the “since that day” threw me at first, but as I kept reading I realized this was much much less mushy and more heart wrenching.

Thanks, Elsha!

Can only reiterate what others have said. Good work Charlie K.

Thank you, Marli.

This is lovely. Beautiful and sad. Well done.

Thank you

The transition from dream to reality: unexpected and well done. The beginning is gently and the feeling is carried through while having a complete change in tone, impressive.
Lovely but so sad.

How on Earth has this not been featured?

This is some stunning work Charlie – I was living it enough when it was a simple but beautifully written romance – but the lurch into a tragic reality?

Elegantly handled and hauntingly heartbreaking – MH.

Trust me, MH, I want this featured as much as you do! I have had one featured story in my time on Ficly, and it wasn’t even one I was particularly proud of. The gods of Ficly can be cruel.

But, thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it! Or had your heart broken by it. Whichever works best.

everyone else has said, but great piece, heart breaking and hauntingly familiar

I’m so glad all of you liked this. Thanks!

Yeah, I liked it to. I agree with all of the positive comments above.