This is interesting, and quite emotional in places, but some of the word choices and phrasing were a bit awkward.
His eyes displayed his heavy heart? That doesn’t read quite right to me, it’s too literal to carry a deeper meaning – but that said the line of dialogue before it – “Don’t be afraid to come home” – is a BRILLIANT line – so many unanswered questions there!
It just gets a bit too heavy towards the end for me – try and focus on showing rather than telling how a character feels perhaps?
The only typo I could spot was ‘genenral’ instead of ‘general’…
Weighed down by a little too much angst towards the end, but there are definitely good points, and hints of some outstanding dialogue – MH :)
Mostly Harmless