I call comma abuse!!
But otherwise, a nice bit of action and a calm, cool new character to be in awe of.

I liked this, and I loved how you could get a lot of description in, as there wasn’t much movement. As an improvement, you should try doing what a lot of us ficlyteers do, and double space your paragraphs. It helps set out the story clearer.

I do use more commas than should strictly be possible…