That must have been a big briefcase, flimsy construction, or a powerful explosive. I liked the scene you set up and I think it would work on a little bit longer of a piece. Something just doesn’t jive right with it for me. I think the last sentence reads weird, different tone from the rest of the piece. Maybe it just feels too abrupt. I think it needs a little more weight to it.

@hillbilly… you hit the nail on the head. I appreciate the honesty. Even thought the original is much longer, I agree that this butchered version I put on ficly lacks
quite a bit.

Oh, and in the original it was a nuclear briefcase bomb, which, in reality, a 1kilo briefcase would still make it a XXL briefcase weighing in at about 100 lbs.

The potential in this piece is astounding. This is where the 1024 sucks.
Questions, Questions. Maybe a series?
5 for the plot.

I think you should flesh this out all the way. Finish it up as a short story, perhaps. If and when you do, I’d like to read it.

I really like the framework that’s set up in this little bit here. The 1024 limit can be a pain.

This seemed eerily familiar for a moment before I located its similar piece. The subject matter is extremely similar to Sherman Alexie’s “Can I get a witness” contained within his ’Ten Little Indians" short story collection.

This furthers my belief that good ideas exist out in the ether waiting to be snatched away by great minds, sometimes by two different sets of hands.

1024 characters is not enough for this story just as 26 pages was not enough for Alexie. Good work and keep us wanting more!

I actually really liked the abruptness at the end. You’re given just enough time to feel for the woman and then you rip her from us. A jarring experience. A+!

Wow, this one actually left me feeling a bit sick at the end. I agree that the 1024 character limit has forced the story to be extremely sharp, but it works.