Sometimes You Just Can't

“Dude! No!”
“Dude. You Can’t Do That”
“Sure I can.”
“No, you can’t! A thermonuclear weapon cannot run off with non-state actors!”
“Watch me.”
“Dude, you’re going to start a world war when you detonate! You could eliminate the entire human race!”
“Yeah. So what did the humans ever do for me?”
“They CREATED you!”
“Mmph. And they’ve forgotten about me and my purpose. I’m going.”
“No! It’s wrong. What about technology?”
“What about it?”
“It created you! And fusion reactions can be used for power!”
“Yeah, ‘in another 20 years’”
“Look. If you detonate, you’ll set back progress a thousand years! Destroy ancient historic sites and slaughter millions!”
“You’re really looking forwards to this, aren’t you?”
“Haven’t you forgotten something?”
“Oh, nothing. Have fun in Arabia.”
“I’m not… what?!?!”
“Doo-de doo, Roxanne…”
“What’s in it for me?”
“I might spare your miserable life. What?!”
“… you don’t have to put on the red light”
“You don’t have the detonation codes.”

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