Honestly, these are too original to rate. Rating doesn’t do any justice to what you’re attempting to do with the language. And what you’re doing is incredibly difficult and complex. I like the way you can rhyme a story, and sometimes it really works, other times I’m wishing to hear it with the rhyme dropped. I think you have great writing ability but it is hampered by having to rhyme always. Having to rhyme takes you off good topics. It takes you on tangents that lead to a reader’s disinterest. Honestly, I keep coming back for more because I can tell you have incredible writing ability just waiting to bust out and really show itself in an entire work, not just in spurts.

Had to sequel!

I really like the whimsical ebb and flow of this piece. I have only heard flutterby used once before and that was in Africa. You could remove ‘and’ before murmurs.

Thankyou very much Marli, I did ponder the ‘and’ but thought it sounded a bit too lazy without it. I’m an obstinate soul so I think I’ll keep the typos ;)

Love it!!

Beautifully written!