Wow. Lotta exposition here, lot of run-on sentences. This can be tightened up quite a bit and would greatly benefit from from more showing and less telling.

Good stuff, but needs a little technical work. A couple tips: 1. always be suspicious of commas. They like to sneak in where they shouldn’t; check each one to see if it should be removed or changed to something like a period. 2. Specific details suspend disbelief better than generic words. “A couple cities” could be “Des Moines”; “the stranger” could be “the bald girl”; “a building” could be “City Hall”. Keep up the good work.