That second paragraph really sets the tone for the whole piece, the first is a great hook, and the rest amplifies the metaphor and I hope the sequel is just as awesome. :)

Thank you for your feedback! It’s the first time I’ve tried writing in this genre so any comments / feedback is greatly appreciated. :)

I like the word power .
" As cold and indifferent" is a good depressant. The tone(as Elsha said) follows through.

Ah. Thank you for your opinion, Marli. It’s appreciated.

About the tone – actually, I was a little worried that I was cramming too many things in, and that it would ruin the tone of the piece. But it seems to have worked out fine. :)

Wow. That was very powerful. All I could think of was the war in Iran and Afganistan….. Really nice tone throughout.

War in Iran? I’m not too familiar with that one… Did you mean the war in Iraq? :)

Either way, thank you for your feedback. Good to know that you liked the stories.

Lol I thought they were the same thing………and you’re welcome.

No problem. :D

Anyways, for the record, Violet Hill was an anti-war protest song. That doesn’t make it any less awesome, though.