“the pain was unbearable as she strip away all my freedom.”

The phrase starts in the past tense, so it should read “stripped away”.

Ah, finally a fantasy piece. Exactly my cup of tea. I really enjoyed this. There are one or two small typos, as Ray has pointed out, but this remains a wonderfully dark and gripping piece of writting.

Thank you for entering Matt :)

Several problems with punctuation throughout this piece, but the genre is just my style. Good stuff!

Thanks for the feedback! I would appreciate it if you would check out my Limelight stories so I could get some feedback on them.

this is not the same witch and man from limelight only in the past? this would make a good backstory.