My hands were shaking. Seated at the table with the pamphlet in one hand and phone in the other, I waited. I don’t know what I waited for – perhaps divine intervention, perhaps for the phone to ring, perhaps just for my courage to suddenly be constructed out of nothing inside of me.

The buttons on the phone suddenly seemed so far apart. My fingers could never reach the ‘1’ or the ‘2’, let alone string all eleven numbers together.

I knew I should do it. Boy did I know I should do it. My hands shook more.

The phone clattered on the table and the pamphlet floated down, mocking me. I blindly reached for the bottle and took a long swig. The cold liquid felt hot in my throat, but cozy in my stomach.

Maybe tomorrow.