Dude, I could not have felt more sorry for him if his hotdog had been knocked over on the way to the beach. +3 pens for being sneaky and holding back so’s the empathy hit you in the arse on the way out, +2 pens for dealing with his insanely masochistic grieving sensitively, -1 pen for being a miserable bastard.
Enjoyed this greatly. Wonderful payoff at the end. I figured she was dead and he was having trouble letting her go. I am unclear about the bin though. Was that him throwing the letter away before sending it or her throwing it away after receiving it? I kinda think it’s the former as he would have no way of knowing that the letter hit the bin if she was the one tossing it out.
so true, southside, however we could take the italics to be her reading it, in which case she is sad to see it go, but its over. I read it from his POV though, as if he were watching her from behind something, unnoticed. So she threw it away. I hadn’t thought about him throwing it away until the comment. The story is very emotional, pulls at the heartstrings. Deserving of the pencils.
I can see from the timing of all of the comments here that it has been far too long since I’ve visited Ficley. Thanks so much for your insightful comments and discussions. My aim was the italics representing him writing it out and then throwing it away before posting it, but ElshaHawk’s perspective works also. Does the ambiguity of POV make it a better write? Somehow, I think not, but I’m often terribly hard on myself to be as perfect as I can. Thanks again for the comments, and all of the lovely pencils too!
I Am Not Number!
Emilou
Passionsocks
southsideof10
ElshaHawk (LoA)
Hobohemian
scratch'n'scrawl