Edgy, and it made me care about the relationship, about the people— tough to do in such a small space. This is a far cry from just another shock value ficly. There are so many pitfalls with writing about this subject— basically making the characters more interesting than the shock value is hard to do. Good work.

I really enjoyed this piece, it really put me into the character’s mind. It’s interesting that you use “destiny” and “the price I pay” in the last line, those would seem to indicate that she had somehow been forced into this life. If she has been forced in some way then why is her resolve so strong? She seems almost proud or at least loyal to the fact that she is a whore. I’d love to know more which means that this is a great story.

Thank you both SO much! This is my first attempt on the site and the pleasant comments definitely put a smile on my face :)

sometimes life can just be a vicious circle, she has to do it, even if it feels wrong to betray her love and break his heart every night. Stomach turning drama here, CJ. :)

I never knew that’s what that song was about, I always thought it was about an ex-lover. This adds a whole new twist.

I think you did a great job of bringing the lyrics into the story without making them feel unwarranted.

I would have preferred this to be a little bit longer. It’s kind of hard to get all the emotion and exposition from a lone paragraph, but you definitely put forth a valiant effort. Great first entry.

I agree, John.
I’ve rewrote this 1000 times in my head and thought of all the other things I could have added. Maybe I will someday.
But I literally joined this site, read this challenge and started writing. Ha ha…
All I can do is grow! :)

Tweaked a bit

Ouch, very nicely told. I like the defiance in her tone, that this is what she does and he has to deal with it, contrasted with what sounds like some doubt there at the end.

I knew it! This is Mr. Brightside, by the Killers! Anways, I like the way you portrayed the song in a different light; this was a perspective I had never considered before when I was listening to it. I always thought the song was from the man’s perspective, yet you’ve shown that the song could be interpreted from the woman’s instead. This be powerful stuff.

But on one hand, I’m pretty turned off by the use of, um, ‘graphic’ imagery. While, being a whore, the protagonist does see that kinds of things, describing them so, um, vulgarly, kind of takes the emphasis off her love for her true lover, as well as making it seem as though she takes pride in being a whore – which, IMO, is not what you’re trying to go for here. I think what you’re trying to go for is the fact that she loves a man, but is forced by circumstance to continue selling herself to other men, so it’s a tragic love story, no?

Still, a pretty powerful story. Good work!

An interesting and creative interpretation of one of my favorite songs. What a sad situation. Nice work!