“Bloody Twilight. Y’know, I really don’t like the way Stephanie Meyer dicked about with the vampire mythos. Vampires don’t sparkle.”

“Yeah. And they’re not vegetarian.”

“And they don’t play baseball.”

“And they don’t drink blood.”

“No, that one is vampires.”

“No it isn’t. I mean, yeuch. Won’t catch me drinking it.”

“Well, no. You’re not a vampire.”

“Yes I am.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am.”

“Since when?”

“Since three months ago. I filled out an ad in the paper, popped in a cheque for £25, and now I’m a vampire.”

“You’re having me on. You’ve been outside since then. In daylight and everything.”

“Vampires don’t get hurt my sunlight, Jeff. That’s just anti-vampire propaganda spread by the media.”

“And you don’t drink blood?”

“Nah. It’s not good for you, blood.”

“So… what can vampires do?”

“Well the ad was a bit vague on that point.”

“I see.”

“Come to think of it, it didn’t really go into detail. It just said ‘Become a vampire, £25.’ I think I’ve been had.”

“I think you’re right, there.”