I’m confused as to what happened in the last sentence, but otherwise, you have a tale of a daredevil kid who jumps off roofs! well, that’s what I imagined.. :P You can write from different POVs, just get in their heads. This kind of has an old world feel, that he has two parents, and the mom forgets her upbringing, and he isn’t coddled, and his choice of words is grown up, like this is a memory. I was expecting ladies, trouble with women, and didn’t find it, so he can’t be too old.
This is a snippet I wrote with a couple others from the perspective of a man looking back (like you said, he’s not too old – 40ish tops). There is certainly female trouble later in his life though! The last sentence wasn’t in the original snippet I wrote – I added it here before uploading – so that probably explains the disconnect. What I was going for was the feel that when the boy wasn’t in danger his parents became cold again.
Adrianna Serrano
ElshaHawk (LoA)
Adrianna Serrano
ElshaHawk (LoA)