Very cool sequel. Kept the tone of the original but added a little more sentiment and depth to the character. The final line was especially good. A couple of quick comments: I think “dress comes back on” just sounds funny to me. I would go with “dress is pulled back on,” or something. “©omes back on,” for some reason, simply doesn’t sit right. Also, you want to use the word “into silence” rather than “in to silence.”
Very cool sequel. Kept the tone of the original but added a little more sentiment and depth to the character. The final line was especially good.
A couple of quick comments: I think “dress comes back on” just sounds funny to me. I would go with “dress is pulled back on,” or something. “©omes back on,” for some reason, simply doesn’t sit right. Also, you want to use the word “into silence” rather than “in to silence.”
I think it is great! I love the ‘frosted heart’ mention was such a poetic touch. Such a sad life. Good writing.
Ouch, kind of cold. Nicely told from the perspective. Truth be told though, I’ve heard call girls actually do a lot of talking…not that I’d know.
Ouch, kind of cold. Nicely told from the perspective.
Truth be told though, I’ve heard call girls actually do a lot of talking…not that I’d know.
Cool, as in cold. Very well written! It pulled me in.
John Perkins 
JC Tovil 
THX 0477 
boxofun John Perkins JC Tovil THX 0477 boxofun