I like the imagery, especially in the description of his eyes. I can’t say I understand the story though. The character seems unrelated to his sadness at the end…
I really like the 2nd paragraph. The whole thing has a good tone. However, I have to admit that after reading the title I instantly thought of FFTA and I had to push the image of a rat-like creature out of my mind to continue. :)
Ronnie
D.E DeWitt