take out ‘just’ in first line, it doesn’t add anything, also ‘surely’. you can take out ‘of me’ in the second line because we know what he is afraid of. take out ‘so’ in 3rd line, before ‘I vanished’. And lastly, I’d take out ‘even more so than before’ then you have lots of room to add something.. does she hide? does she pace outside? does she wail and cry?
ElshaHawk (LoA)