Neat scenario and really suggests a lot going on in the protagonist’s mind that may be getting in the way. Some grammar or typo things in that second paragraph.

Thanks for the feedback I changed a couple things in the paragraph I hope that that’s what you were talking about.

This is an interesting build-up, but it doesn’t really stand by itself very well. Are you planning to continue it?

yes I was planning to continue it. It for some reason though is proving hard to write so it could take some time. Thanks so much for the interest!

This is intriguing, and I like the way it’s written.

There are a couple of grammar problems in the second paragraph. It should probably be “That’s Caden. He’s the one…” Then, “Ones about unusual abilities— and, most often, about cluelessness.” You might consider replacing “Ones” with “Stories”, to avoid confusion/messiness.

Anyway, nice work! I’ll be interested to see if you continue.

Ahh now i understand what THX was getting at thanks!