Oh good story.
I hope you continue it!!

Defiantly darker and less cliche. Great improvement.

Wow, definitely darker! The line about the king dying seems a bit awkward to me, but overall I like it.

ah, good point, adrianna! hmm, how to fix this..

Much better, although you have an uneccessary ‘and’ in the first line of the second paragraph. A lot darker and way more graphic. I’m going to have nightmares now. I kinda wanted the Princess to die as well but I always have that mentality when reading desperate fiction. Bravo! Brava! Encore!

thanks PJ! editing error.. not enough cut!

OH SNAP! Elsha, this sounds to me like it’s a little outside your comfort zone, so I applaud you for that.

thanks cthulhuburg! it is..