of my OWN mind, actually I think you meant. that he would shun me is awkward, give it a semicolon and attach it to previous sentence. and how can a hand on your face embrace you? i’m kinda lost there. You capture the moment very well, however, the anxiety, the racing heart. So, does he love her or was he playing with her heart? :)
Aww. This is bittersweet. Like Elsha mentioned, I think you might want to replace “embrace” with “caress”, but you certainly portray unrequited love well! Thanks for entering.
southsideof10
ElshaHawk (LoA)
Music-Hearted