Quite a character you’ve come up with, and it’s overall a very tense and mythical scene. The story really suffers though from poor grammar (mostly sentence fragments or run-ons) and structure (breaking it up out of one big paragraph makes it easier to read and can heighten the drama or impact of sentences as they are set off from the rest). Lots of potential in need of some polish.

Thanks for your comments, I shall look at polishing :)