I love the mental image this creates of a rent-a-cop preparing to go to the rescue. I also really like the hint of a darker side to it all.

One minor, technical note — the final word should be ‘effect.’

Looks like an interesting start. Wish I had the chops to sequel, but after a year of no posting I am a little rusty.

Go get ‘em Denton! A fun story, and the good writing really brings out the full ’character’ that is the night security guard. I reread the second to last line a couple of times, and it seems like it runs on a bit. Maybe you could change it, but maybe it fits in the overall ficly just the way you want it to.