It’s a story as old as time itself.

Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy makes girl uncomfortable by leaving mixtapes full of Tool songs in her locker at the gym, girl sideswipes boy’s 1997 Honda Civic on the way out of a Starbucks parking lot, boy gets arrested for trying to smuggle heroin into Canada in a hollowed out chimp torso, girl bakes a rhubarb pie shaped like the midget from “Fantasy Island”, boy shaves his head in a show of solidarity with a hairless cat he saw that one time, girl wakes up under a bridge with a nest of albino spiders in her ear, boy chews the head off a live moose and builds a Lego satellite dish on the neck stump, girl marches on Washington in a homemade Spongebob Squarepants costume and takes a dump on the Lincoln Memorial.

And that’s How I Met Your Mother.