A Long Weekend

My first coffee was empty by the time my computer finished booting. Studiously avoiding the screen, I slipped off to brew a second. That done, I had no way out of checking the read-outs:

12, 234, 938, 083 Unread Prayers
45, 093, 839 Deceased Souls Awaiting Judgement
Warning: Global radiation levels in excess of divinely mandated boundaries
Warning: Climate Engine experiencing errors due to unforeseen input
New Task: Reincarnate Dalai Lama

The coffee crashed onto the heavenly carpets as I whimpered at the screen. A few fierce key punches later, I watched the panicked meetings, the flock of dull cylinders drifting around the curve of the earth, the dust and the flames. My stressball incinerated in my white-knuckled fist. I spun my executive chair and screamed across the office.
“Gabe! Mickey! Get your arses over here! What in My Name is going on down there? I take one long weekend off and I come back to find the little pests nuking each other? You were meant to cover me! It was just 4 days!”

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