A pretty dark world, and a good job describing it. A good description of the mother fighting for more than individual survival, a survival of the family. And the last line is great. Even absent the threat of the Grim being attracted to the fire, there is the idea that fighting for any survival requires plenty of courage when surviving just means having to fight some more.

I was trying to write a horror story with snow. yep. that was the prompt. I’m not a horror writer. this was as horrific as I wanted it to get, I guess. I left the fire situation up to the reader to interpret.

Wow. Nice. As a writer of dark fiction, I really liked this. You did a great job setting the scene and leaving the horrors of the Grim mostly up to the reader’s imagination.

Just dark enough I think. Nice job.

Excellant! Such a grim world and perfectly described.
Sequel?

This is a really good setup, lots of atmosphere and horrors hinted at outside the edges of the story.

The only criticism I have is, on a story this visceral, you don’t want any extra layers between the reader and the events. E.g., compare:

I could feel their involuntary shivering and hear their bellies rumble.

They shivered in my arms, bellies rumbling.

When you say “could feel,” you’re describing a static state of affairs (the fact that she is capable of feeling them), not an event that’s taking place. You’re further removing us from the immediacy by saying “feel,” reminding us there’s a layer (narrator) between the events and the words on the page.

This is all nitpicky stuff that I’ve had on the brain lately. I wouldn’t mention it if I didn’t think the story was strong enough to merit polishing. Congrats on being featured!

Indeed, taking out the passive voice is one of my first edits when I go back over something. Ficly always gets my first draft, with minimal editing. :) I’m flattered you think this is worthy of a polish!

no the baby died.. no heartbeat, no breath.

Well that was freaking dark and depressing. Nicely written and all, but babies winding up dead is always depressing.

i think this is more horror than “actual horror” stories. very well written and a nice original story. but one that is begging for a prequel or sequel. (please?)

i think i’m working on it..

Yeah this is scary. I hate this grim already. very scary.

The realistic stuff is always the worst. This is bad in a really really good way…I’m not sure how to describe it.

Five outta five!