oooooo, what a bi… biddy! Good writing.

Very cute little start to a story. I liked the bit about getting his mom to cut his hair. I also liked the dual realities here, the sort of noir detective tale, but with something sillier, more juvenile beneath the surface.

Fun little scene. Good dialogue.

from the moment this story began I felt like I knew the character intimately. That’s hard to pull off. The simplicity of the story is what makes it so good.

Thanks everyone for your positive feedback! I really don’t write this sort of genre, but watching recent movies with bad scripts made me miss those old movies— like the old detective shows.

To be honest, I feel like something is missing from this piece, but with only 180 words this is the best I could pull off for a full scene.

I really appreciate everyone’s feedback!

I love the sleuth who gets his haircut by Mom and mocked by the ‘dames’ . Very nice.

Very nice and intriguing opening. Consider my curiosity piqued.