I never became a vegan because of animal welfare, it was purely for my health. And the fact I often exhibit OCD tendencies only helps me to stick at something I begin, no matter how difficult it might be.

I actually love animal products. Sushi, omelettes, roasts (lamb was always a favourite), and barbecues…oh how I so loved barbies.

The memories of thick, juicy porterhouse steaks are coming back to me as I carefully slice through the fresh meat on the board in front of me. I’m not going to eat it myself, but the memories are delicious, to say the least. If you couldn’t buy it straight from the slaughterhouse, just killed, it was always a treat to smell and feel it immediately after it had thawed from the freezer, like this one. I’m not struggling with my vegan status at all, and seriously never yearn or crave foods I can’t have, I now simply enjoy the memories, and the smells.

Now, if I can just get this fucker’s eyes out, and extract his teeth, no-one will ever know who’s head it is if they find it…