Curious with a lot unsaid simmering beneath the surface. You have some odd sentence constructions that distracted me, mostly the ones with semi-colons. I’m a fan of semi-colons, really I am. These just didn’t seem quite right. And I think that last line would have had more punch if you hadn’t already said it in the narration. Maybe you could have used that space in the middle to set up the leaves as allegory of some sort more explicitly.

A lot of critiques, I know, but it was a lovely piece and felt like it was almost there, just needed a little tweak or polish.

It didn’t feel like you were saying a lot of critiques. Thanks for the input.

Oh and a side comment. The leaves of the redbud tree are bright red and grow in the shape of a heart.

I’ve always admired your vivid use of imagery. You really know how to utalize your settings to their full advantage.

I’ve always admired your vivid use of imagery. You really know how to utalize your settings to their full advantage.

thanks christina.