What a mess of a human.

woah, the title blows my mind… that’s awesome… now to actually read it!

I think this has happened to most drinkers. Awesome!

This is gross, dude. But well executed with detail. Except for the ‘ly’ words like drunkenly (in the 2nd paragraph), and strangely (in the 1st paragraph) and pungently (in the 3rd paragraph). These ‘ly’ words water down the story with vagueness— I bet if you went through and looked for alternatives for these words this would become a resounding 5 stars. For example, instead of ‘strangly’, just say, “…in a strange and rustic room.”

I read this bit of info in a writer’s book in high school and it has really enhanced my writing… I hope it helps you too.

Ah drinking, so much fun I missed out on as a youth. Pretty well told for the most part, and I think Tad hit the main points of why it was good but not fully awesome.

Thanks for the feedback Tad, the ‘ly’ words is something I hadn’t thought of, and accordingly I’ve made some revisions. Much obliged.

No problemo. It’s nice to see that you’ve taken the constructive criticism in stride. So much good stuff can come from being open to editing. Great job, VP. You’ve earned a five and my respect.

The vagueness is a byproduct of the drunkenness Tad, try to think of any given time where the world seems clear and vivid the morning after a night of intense drinking. In any other case i’d agree with you, but I believe the ‘ly’ words add to the effect.

I think this has happened to me before. Well, without the dog. What is it about bacon and marijuana that make go so well together…?

@Lamezorz— Maybe because they are one of many equations that equal bliss?

@Sylvor— Good enough explanation for me, I can see your point of view, especially if the ’ly’s were intended byV.P. to add to the effect.

It’s like someone placed hidden cameras in my home and then wrote a log of my activities

De Je Vue.

I like the way the vomiting is downplayed, like a sneeze or something… (“He paused briefly from his musing”). I also love that he put the dog back in the toilet.

I’m waiting for the holocausty part… for things to get truly horrific and see the story live up to it’s title (yes, this is me encouraging & egging you on… yes, also encouraging depravity lit…)

sorry my comment is so late… this is my 1st visit to Ficly in months…