1: I love the subject matter. I’m a sci-fi junkie and love original or even good reimagined material. I think there’s a ton of potential here.
2: I think you should take a step back from this and separate your thoughts out some. As it is, it’s interesting, but jumbled and rushed. I think this would be greatly improved if it were developed into 3 or 4 entries, telling the story with some more ambiance.
3: Keep on writing! The above is just and opinion and I may have missed the point of your methods here.
Browncoatben