Looks good, I’d really curious to see where you go with it.

The only thing I would suggest changing is the ‘see, look’ part. It just seems a little awkward to me, is all.

Otherwise, great job

I don’t think it really needs to go anywhere else. Poor narrator is trapped in some kind of loop.

And, man, by his own confession those sadness journals contain deeply traumatic descriptions of post-ejaculatory depression. No one likes to read about that at a coffee table.

Someone needs to print up a t-shirt:

“I am sad because people won’t read my sadness journals.”

I love how this is really a simple concept, but told so well. And I definitely relate to the good book ending feeling. Yeah, I think it’s sadness, but mixed with satisfaction. Great job.

I’m going to be honest, when I read the line about a diary of sadness I braced myself for the worst, just a teeny bit.

But this is really well-done! It’s a little funny (in a good way), and you definitely get a feel for the narrator’s voice. I was sympathetic instead of irritated, which I think is a result of the simplicity, and the finished product seems complete in and of itself.

I think the first lines about not keeping a dream journal but a sadness journal can be cut. The rest of the story is really good, but that particular line braced me for the worse. Maybe just start off with “Everytime I feel sad, I write…” or maybe instead of ‘sad,’ you could try disappointed?

Not quite the same feeling, but a bit more nuanced.

Yeah, I agree that the first line could be cut. Otherwise I like this rumination over the savoring of sadness and not understanding why others won’t join in.

The first line needs work, it’s a bit too on the nose, particularly for someone who has trouble expressing himself outside of the notebook.

I think adding times to the entries would help flesh out this character a little more. The isolation and depression is certainly evident, which is the important part.

changing that first line

It’s remarkable how you can convey so much characterization and setting in an few short journal entries. Excellent job; I wish this type of spare, unassuming storytelling would occur more often.

I really like how the journal entries read like a wine description. “Pairs well with burnt salmon and over-salted eggs.”

I really like the imagery of the last paragraph. I just get a picture of him watching people flip through it, an expectant grin on his face.

nuzzle