Okay, I love the story, especially as it now shifts to this guy maybe being reasonable or pitiable at least, with the brother being so threatening.
I got a bit lost though. It started in all the fragments in the first paragraph, but I see what you were going for. Something to clarify that it’s her saying ‘move’ mighth have helped, as that’s where I had to reread the most. Maybe just “…steel in her voice.” as an option.

I see what you mean. I altered it slightly, please let me know if that helped enough. Thank you for taking an interest!