Very hard to read due to punctuation stuff and a lack of any kind of paragraph breaks. Sounds like you’ve got a fun, girl-power sort of story going, but it’s just too ahrd to get into. Could use some polish and time invested in cleaning up the grammar.

:/ but other then that its good, right?

no

:/ why do you always shoot ppl down jc?

gimme a break…i am A. only ten and B. trying my best…

@JC— There’s absolutely no point in doing that, JC— and there’s no room for bullies on this site either. I suggest you leave Micky alone and get a life. You’d think the ten year old would need to grow up, but no, it’s you who does.

@Micky— Keep writing and never give up. I’ll be checking in to give you pointers from time to time and to help you if you need it. You can always note me if you have questions about writing too ;) or if you need an idea— I’m usually good for one of those.

I agree with Tad.

For a ten year old, this story has got some good guts so far. It’s just the superficial stuff (commas, paragraphing, etc.) that needs to be cleaned up a bit. I also like the little series that you and DoctorCarl have going.

Just keep trying, because I can see that you’re getting it. Why give up if it’s what you enjoy doing? :)

:) thx guys!

and btw, i have read strories by both you guys, and there AMZING!