ahahahahaha
This is excellent Yaya

Nice work, YaYa! The personality of the man comes across really well. I found the paragraph structure a little hard to read though, I think I’m used to full paragraph breaks around dialog (or maybe I’m just used to SE++)

This is a fantastic use of voice; you communicate the characters quickly and effectively. As far as development of characters go, I absolutely love your pacing. The language, too, is absolutely stellar.

The only thing I would watch is that the plot might be a little ambitious for the character limit. She comes around from a pretty extreme stance enormously quickly; it’s a little hard to believe. I would recommend making her come around a little slower; this seems like a pretty decisive victory for the male, and he wins her over awfully quickly.

Overall, a very good story! I love the plot, and the language is stellar.

i’ll echo the above on language

with no prior information on the male we get a clear picture of who he is

The more I read this, the more I enjoy it. I’m not sure I see her original stance as extreme to the point of disbelief. I suppose I would say that the dialogue seems too clever to be realistic, but it’s so charming that I wouldn’t change a word of it.

I like the little detail about her watching the toaster. Thanks for this unexpected, bright little story.

I like it. I’m not too good at reviewing things, but I’d say the only problem I had was the dialogue being a tad unrealistic, but then I also think that’s the point.

I think maybe you used the word “toast” a bit too much in short succession, but overall it’s a very sweet little vignette.

All I want to say is that this made me smile! Thanks!

i really like this story..it shows the characters in a relaxed environment and just being themselves…i really enjoyed reading it..so thankx xD

Love it. The dialog is a tad unrealistic, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

I do believe she came around to a positive stance a bit too quickly, and that the paragraph structure could be hard to read, but that seems more a result of Ficly’s character limit. Still, the characters were fun and it was a nice, breezy read.